Well I started writing again.

But I feel like all the stories I have are all sad and sob stories, but that's life isn't it? My smile and my feelings are all better. I've been feeling better all since that "thing." I've been good, not doing anything stupid and just being a better me, but when it comes to writing I just feel like writing about things that people should realise actually excists. Like today allready there was a new pope selected. It didn't take long at all.

But again, you know, there are so many sad stories about people getting shot at and killed, people dying everyday from not having food to eat, some getting forced to eat to much. What is this world anymore? You know it's true what they say, religion and politics ruins the world we live in, but then again it keeps everybody in check.

Is this what God or anybody had plan for when "somebody" decided for us to live her? For us to shot each other, starve, being abonded and everything we PEOPLE do to each other!? What the hell happend to free speech, a fair war. People having the right to live for who they really are?

What is really happening to this world I'm a a part of? Religion makes this world sound as though we really don't have any right to live her at all, because it suppose to be perfect. All though perfect is never gonna happend to this world or the people who live her.


Well the world will carry on I guess as it has all along.

Peace out!

Money buys everything!

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was as ordinary as anyone who is born. This girl was born in to the most perfect home, with wealty parents who got her into all the right schools and all the right country clubs. She was a straight A+ student who did really well in school and everybody had high expectations that she would do well in life in general. She was pretty, she was as pretty as a Disney princess. She had the same boyfriend all through High School and through College, everybody saw them and thought they were meant for eachother. They loved eachother so much.

.......but we all know that this story does not really end perfect. This girl, from this wealthy family met some people who might have not been the best influence on her. She made some mistakes. Started taking drugs, almost ruining herself and her family along side of it all. Doing rehab and everything that goes with it. All though having a lot of money might be good, all good it did for this girl was buying her way out prison and out of the newspapers.

What made this girl go the wrong way? Was it her parents who always had to work and keep their appairence on different occasions? Was it the money, that she knew, could buy her way out?

This perfect girl, in her perfect timing was not so lucky. She woke up in an abonded storage house, with a guy who was dead. The building was on fire, and she was on the second floor. She tried to get out to the stairs, but there was no way to get thru the door. She had no way out. How could money or any of her perfectness get her out of this mess? This time nothing could help her but herself.

She saw some windows on the other side, and started crawling over the floor to get to them. To try to get out of there she thought to herself. While she was crawling she heard the cracks of the floor under her, she could feel the heat beneath her legs and hands. A thousand thoughts went thru her mind as she felt the heat of the fire just beneath her. The thoughts of everything she'd ever done wrong in her life and all of the mistakes and misery she had put her family thru. She prayed to God, hoping that God would be abel to save her, and that God would show his mercy on her.

 She kept on crawling across the floor, as the flames got hoter, and hoter she still had hope that God would save her and have mercy for her. She had almost reach the windows when she felt the floor crack, and as it fell down a little under her, she leaped for the window. As she leaped for the window she felt the floor beneath her fall. It fell as hard as rock and the flames showed no mercy. She felt alone, she felt as though God had abonded her and that God would not save her at all.

She held on to the side of the windows, barely abel to rise herself up to it. She raised herself up, standing on the beams that had not fallen down. That's when she realised that the windows was not going to open, there was no way. The bars on the window outside was welled on thight. There was no time for her to get them of. Before she knew it, the beams she was standing on broke in half under her, she fell maybe two meters or so. Landing hard on the ground floor, covered by flames everywhere. She tried to get up, but there was no way, her ancle must have broken in the fall.

Tears ran down from her face, believing this was the end for her. She felt sorry for hersef, for the first time there was nobody to bail her out from the problems she faced. She cried knowing nobody was there to die with her og beside her.

The smoke and fires was closing up on her. She prayed one last time to God, not to ask God for help, but this time for forgivness! She was sorry for all the wrong she had done to her family and taking her life for granted. She had realised that life was a gift, a gift not to play with, but God had no mercy to give as it seems because she was still caught in the middle of all the fire. The fire was closing in, she could feel her skin burning real deep now. She screamed from the pain, she felt the fire spreading across her skin.

She realised that she was really dying, so she screamed "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Please God forgive me and let my family know I really do love them and I'm sorry." God still showed no mercy and let the fire burn her. It burned and burned. Before the fire ate her up, she saw a light.

She opended her eyes, the nurse told her, "Hey wake up, you've been in a coma from an overdose of heroin, but don't you worry. You're in perfect care. The worst is over now."

So does money buy everything?

Somebody once says: "You die alone, there's never any glory or honor in it."

Å lære å leve på 100 dager....

I dag er det 365 dager siden jeg begynte et eventyr jeg ikke viste hvor ville bære meg. I dag 365 dager etterpå, så mange dager, måneder, uker, dager, minutter og sekunder har gått siden jeg kastet meg ut på hva som kom til å være et vendepunkt i livet mitt. Jeg fant noe i meg selv som jeg ikke hadde sett på lenge. Jeg fikk lysten til å leve. Jeg møtte mennesker som inspirerte meg og som gav meg en sjanse til å vise hvem jeg er og hva jeg står for. Jeg følte meg viktig, jeg følte meg som en del av den verden jeg lever i. Jeg var ikke lenger usynlig og uviktig. Jeg ble et ansikt og jeg fant meg.

Jeg fant noe i det eventyret som betydde mer enn hva jeg trodde jeg ville med livet mitt, jeg fant betydningen av hvorfor jeg er viktig. Jeg fant at alle mennesker betyr noe, og hvis et menneske tror på deg så kan du gjøre det. Familien min spurte meg om dette var virkelig noe jeg ville gjøre, og de spurte meg om jeg viste hva alt innebar. Jeg sa jeg ikke viste noe om hva dette ville bringe, det eneste jeg viste var at hjertet mitt som fortsatt pumpet blod gjennom kroppen min som holdt meg i livet sa at dette måtte jeg gjøre.

Eventyret mitt var ikke som noe jeg hadde forestilt meg, det var vanskelig, tøft og jeg møtte vegger jeg ikke hadde sett før. Jeg måtte konfrontere problemer jeg alltid hadde løpt fra før. Jeg hater konfrontasjoner, og der fikk jeg konfrontasjonene servert på et sølvfat. Forventingene om at jeg måtte takle konfrontasjonene var høye. I bibelen står det «Hvis jeg blir slått på mitt høyre kinn, skal jeg snu det andre kinnet til og la det også bli slått.» Jeg hadde aldri stått i den situasjonen hvor jeg måtte stå ansikt til ansikt mot konfrontasjonene mot meg. Kall det, mobbing, baksnakking eller hva som helst, men dette eventyret var et spill. Spillet kaller på mistenksomhet, det er det som gjør at man overlever.

Hvem kan man stole på i et spill hvor du ikke kjenner noen? Jeg er naiv, jeg valgte igjen å tro på menneskets gode kvaliteter, som jeg glemte at folk mister i et spill. Jeg viste at jeg ikke spilte, hvorfor skulle noen andre tro det? Så slo det meg at jeg var fremmed for de andre. De viste ikke om alt jeg sa var løgn eller om jeg virkelig var hvem jeg var. Jeg lærte, det gjorde meg tøff, tøff nok til å takle konfrontasjonene… etterhvert!

Sannheten? Jeg ville trekke meg fordi det var tøft, jeg var vant til frihet og ha mulighet til å fly fri som fuglen du ser på himmelen. Jeg ville trekke meg fordi jeg ikke var tøff nok, modig nok til å stå imot det som ble sagt. Uansett om det var et spill så viste jeg selv hvem jeg var og hva jeg stod for og fremdeles står for, men jeg valgte å snu det andre kinnet til. Inspirasjonen sang en sang til meg, «Please remember that I never lied» det var det som fikk meg til å holde ut.

Vendepunktet mitt ble at jeg klarte å holde ut, og se hva som hadde skjedd når jeg kom ut. Jeg var sterkere, tøffere og modigere. Jeg klarte å holde ut, ikke alene, men alle som så meg for meg. Livet er verdifullt og jeg vil ikke sløse bort livet mitt. Jeg lærte å sette pris på livet mitt, det gav meg livet tilbake. Det er ikke hver dag man får en så verdifull lærepenge, spesielt når den må læres på 100 dager….

Peace and Love

To be or not to be...That is the question!

William Shakespear once wrote, "To be or not to be.." For me that line goes for everything. To be a friend or not to be a friend.  I realised about a month ago, something about a "close" friend of mine. A friend I had placed both value and respect to, that she was not the person I thought she was. Not that I hadn't realised some of the things she did or said, but more of the fact that I didn't want to realise it.What made me cross the line to disrespect? She had said some things about me that one shouldn't say about friends, and I'm not the person who cares what anybody says about me anymore, but even though its not a cool thing to discover, even if it may be just a small thing.

What are friends even? I've asked myself that question a thousand times, and still I don't really have an answer, because everybody is a friend in their own way. Some people are there for you no matter what happens, some are there for you just in words and there are those friends who acts like your bestfriend and as soon as you turn your back they stab you.

This past year has thought me a lot about people in general, Everybody lies, cheats and steal if you let them. It's a horrible thing to say about people, but I've discovered that it just simply is the truth, no matter what anybody says. I wish I was wrong, but after everything I lived through last year, I can't change my words and my experience.

It's horrible to "loose" hope with people, but now I'm just never surprised of what people tell me or do to me. I've been foolishly kind and tried to help people, without getting anything back. So what am I now, you may ask. Well I'm lonely by choice, I fool people trying to be a friend, because a person is not buildt to be alone.

What do I want the most? Well that's a secret I never would tell anyone given all the facts. I'm so disapointed  in alot of the people I know, and sometimes, a lot of times, all the time, I wish I didn't have all of this to think of. Most of the time, I wish I could be a kid again, not that my childhood was the best, but at least I didn't know all of the things I know now.


If people who know me should take offense, my advice is if you do feel like I stepped on your toes, I guess that's something to do with your conciousness and not me.

Maybe not all hope is lost, I never say never(OMG cant believe I just quoted Justin Bibeber! just saying...), but there is alot of convincing to do for me to believe again or to open myself fully again to anybody!

Getting used, punched, tossed away, like yesterdays garbage, forgotten, taken for granted, and all of the above, it's done. It's so yesterday(OMG that was Hillary Duff for you who didn't know...) Been there done that! Never again. I'm stronger and more prepared for whats to come!

Enough is enough! People grow up and see the truth! I'm not perfect, but I always try to be a human with som ethics and moral! Where did it go? I think we might need a relic hunter, because nothing is sacred anymore! Not even life itself!

Peace out!